Woody Allen quotes

It's from Casablanca. I've been waiting all my life to use that line.


Notes for a ballet, "The Spell": ... Suddenly Sigmund hears the flutter of wings, and a group of wild swans flies across the moon ... Sigmund is astounded to see that their leader is part swan and part woman -- unfortunately, divided lengthwise. She enchants Sigmund, who is careful not to make any poultry jokes.


To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.


I'm not afraid of dying, I just don't want to be there when it happens.


When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.


In California they don't throw their garbage away -- they make it into television shows.


The only cultural advantage LA has over NY is that you can make a right turn on a red light.


Actor: So what do you do for a living? Doris: I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants.


All men are mortal. Socrates was mortal. Therefore, all men are Socrates.


As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.


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